My Wish
by Jean Cooper
Summary: entry for TVS contest forum. Theme is music. Song fic based on song of the same title. One shot.


**This was done at one in the morning- I'm slightly sleep deprived and my vision I blurring. I couldn't think of music themes so I took the cheap way out and wrote a song fic. It's terrible in places and not the best, but I forced myself to be productive on some level.**

**Song is My Wish by Rascall Flatts.**

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It was quiet in this sleepy little village. It had always been, my entire life. Rarely did anything happen that was exciting. An occasional wedding, the birth of a child, a strange newcomer. I had never left this small village. I'd always been confined to its boundaries, scared to death to leave. But that had never stopped you. You had never been content with this tiny village, destined to leave, to fly away and never return. But I stayed and tried to protect what I held dear to me, and what I knew another held dear to them self. Even if you didn't realize it when you tossed it aside.

When I made my rounds around this place, I liked to think that you were right there with me, even if its only in spirit. And so I walk with this smile on my face, content with a presence that only I can feel, laughing at things that only we know, that only we remember.

I felt the nostalgia creeping in as it always did when I crossed the river by Poultry farm. I remember being younger, chasing after you as you ran over this bridge, waving at Lillia and Rod as you laughed. I had never been able to catch you.

Everyone in town knew it then, and they knew it now. But no one would dare tell me to give up. And if they had I would have simply tried harder.

Walking into the woods by Gotz's made that nostalgic feeling grow. Maybe that was why I stayed in this area so long. Because I could still see you running through the trees, myself always trailing behind. Your long ebony pony tail trailing teasingly, brushing over my outstretched hand as my lungs burned from all the running. It seemed so long ago…

_I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, _

_And each road leads you where you wanna go, _

I laugh some as I remember when you walked up to me, your long hair in hand, recently parted from the short bob like your mother's that you know sported. I think I had even cried, but I wouldn't dare tell you that. Boyfriend or not it had been your decision to cut your hair. I think I had been more upset about the loss of your hair than your father… I think he was most affected by your leaving.

I know you had hoped he would find faith in the Goddess when you left, that he would stop taking to the drink. But he had taken it harder. Recently though I know you would be so proud of him. He'd started going to church a few years back, with a young man named Cliff. Good fellow who married little Ann. You remember that little redheaded girl who wanted you to teach her how to climb the tree in Mother's Hill? She's a fine young woman now.

Right over there, next to where the freshly cut lumber lays, is the tree we fell out of when we were twelve. I'd tried to catch you, if I recall correctly. I ended up with a cast on my right arm for a whole season. And if I close my eyes I can picture your name taking up the majority of the cast, a small heart dotting the j in your name.

Those times had passed so quickly. Throughout my child hood and even into my early teens this area had been where we met, where we played. The woods had been thicker then, a maze of trees older than the two of us put together. No matter how we wove through those trees you always made your way out to the opening. And I was always lost without you.

_And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose, _

_I hope you choose the one that means the most to you._

"Do you think it's wrong of me to want to leave this place Harris?"

What did you want me to say that day? It wasn't a choice I could make for you. I could have tried to talk you out of it. But I knew that wasn't what you wanted. It was a choice you would have to make on your own. It was a choice we both already knew the answer too. Nothing or no one was going to hold you back from your dreams.

I knew that you had wanted me to go with you. But I wasn't ready to spread my wings yet.

I had been the only one to know you were leaving. I'd helped you sneak your bags out from your parent's house that night. I'd even caught you when you came out the window. I'd smiled at you, even though on the inside my heart was breaking, and happily sent you onto the ferry.

Because I had taken you for granted way to long, and even knowing it was all coming to an end I couldn't find the courage to say the words I wanted to. I wouldn't force you to choose between me and your dreams. It was entirely too unfair.

_And if one door opens to another door closed, _

_I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window, _

I remember the letters that came after your departure. You were having a tough time finding work. It wasn't all that you thought it would be right off the back, and you had no problems writing your woes to me constantly. But gradually you began to reach for your dreams, and the letters came less and less.

I took that to mean that you were happy. I at least hoped that was why. And the letters grew further and further apart until they nearly ceased all together. Happy birthday cards were all I received from you now. But I couldn't say I had been as dedicated in my returning correspondence.

Because what could I tell you besides that I wanted you to come back home? I wanted you to come back to me.

It was difficult to return letters of encouragement full of the theme 'don't give up' when that was all I wanted you to do. But if you had you wouldn't have been the girl I loved.

_If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile._

_But more than anything, more than anything... _

It was a relief to write that letter a season or so ago. Was it that long even? But I had felt as if I had finally been able to let you go. I had told you of my feelings, of everything I felt for you. I wonder if you smiled when you read it, if it caused her heart to flutter in your chest at the realization that love was waiting for you here all along.

But your happiness had always meant more to me than mine. That's why you weren't here.

_My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, _

_Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, _

_You never need to carry more than you can hold, _

Your reply to the letter hadn't been a big surprise. Even if there had been a chance that you held feelings of that nature for me at one point they would no doubt be gone now. What has it been, five years? I believe it will make six this winter. But even so, with your kind letter of rejection I had responded that my feelings would not change, and that I wished you every happiness you sought.

_And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, _

_I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, _

_Yeah, this, is my wish._

Perhaps it had been fate for me to love you, to stay here in this town and be haunted by your memory. But because of my confession, and because of your response I was able to let go more and more everyday. But my words rang true.

I would always love you. It's something that you never forget- your first love. Walking up by the Goddess pond I can't help but to smile as I look up by that single tree. I can see us there, you nearly sixteen. And I'm there, tall and lanky and ever so bashful and awkward. I'm watching you in some sort of stupefied aw.

You're smiling coyly at me, twirling a strand of your hair around your index finger and looking at me under your thick lashes. You had been the definition of adorable in that very moment. How could I have not kissed you?

Just as the younger me leans in to touch your lips they both vanish.

_I hope you never look back, but you never forget, _

_All the ones who love you, in the place you left, _

A lot of people still talk about you in town. I'm sure you come up in the Town Square every afternoon. I know your mother misses you like crazy. I recall her hoping you would come back and met young Cliff and fall in love. I suppose she never really understood how I felt for you. Or maybe she knew I wouldn't be the one to clip your wings. I guess I won't know if I don't ask. But the truth is I don't want to know.

But I do want you to understand I'm not the only one here who loves you. You should really give your folks a call sometime- especially your mom. She would love to hear your voice- I'm sure.

_I hope you always forgive, and you never regret, _

_And you help somebody every chance you get, _

I wonder right now if it bothers you that I've been pinning away for you for nearly six years. I hope that my confession didn't cause you much stress and anxiety- that would be the last thing I wanted. But I'm glad you sent your response. It helped me so much better than you just ignoring me. I also hope it doesn't strain or distant relationship. I'm looking forward to this year's birthday card.

I understand you've made quite a career for yourself. I've heard several different rumors of course, about you being an actress, a race car driver, an astronaut. But I wonder what everyone would think, knowing that you're closer to obtaining your dream than anyone ever thought. If they could see the post card of the Broadway lights and know exactly what it is your doing. Have you landed that staring lead yet?

_Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake, _

_And always give more than you take._

_But more than anything, yeah, more than anything... _

I hope for your sake you don't regret anything you've done. That you don't think leaving here was a mistake. I used to think that it was, that me not telling you how I felt about you was a mistake. But the truth is that me holding on to you, lead me to someone else. She isn't anything like you, like who I've been accustomed to being in love with.

She's the one who gave me the courage to write you to begin with. She was there when I read your response, and she helped pick up the pieces that had been already broken for years. She's a lovely woman, you would adore her. She reminds me of Gotz's little Sara. I imagine that had Sara grown up to adult hood she would look a lot like Claire.

_My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, _

_Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, _

_You never need to carry more than you can hold, _

I hope you understand that I will always be there with you if your burden's become too much. I will support you and come to your aide, both as your friend, and as someone who loves you.

Your last letter told me that you'd been engaged to a man for while. Nothing official yet. That your dreams had evolved into more. You wanted your career, and you wanted a family too.

It's funny how we always seem to want the same things in our lives, isn't it? I can almost see you walking next to me for a moment before you vanish completely. I can see that I've made it into Claire's farm. It's strange, referring to things as they are in the present as opposed to the past. But I suppose that is what they call moving on.

When I get home tonight I'm going to write you one more time. Because I might need to invite you back home. So you can sit in the pews at church while I promise my life to a new love. Someone whose happiness can intertwine with my own.

Claire may not be you Aja…and no one ever will be. I've heard throughout my life that a person's first love is unforgettable. And I know without a doubt that I will never stop loving you. But I can find it in myself for my heart to grow so I can love someone else. I'm glad I was able to do that. Because I've never been happier.

_And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, _

_I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, _

_Yeah, this, is my wish. _

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**yay! Woot for the choppyness. Don't forget to go vote in the VSF poll. Make sure to read everyone's story!**


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